** Warning – contains the F-word numerous times**
My law degree is like a sweater that I bought at a store thinking it would make me look hot, feel great and win friends. I kind of knew when I was buying the sweater that it didn’t really suit me, but I thought, “fuck it, look at all those people in the same sweaters and how well they do. Hell, for that kind of return I’ll make myself fit.” And for a few years I tried really hard to fit into the sweater. But it just doesn’t fit. It’s really infuriating because I’m still paying for the damn thing and I’ve recently come to learn that I have to hide the fact that I own it in order to have a chance of shopping at other stores. Plus, I see people i know walking around wearing their sweaters with big grins on their faces and being very happy with their purchases and I can’t help but think “Why can’t I be like them?” But, really, the problem is the same as it was all those years ago when I walked into the store and bought the sweater – the problem is that the damn thing just doesn’t fucking fit. So now, instead of trying to bargain my way into fitting into this sweater that is too tight for me, that has increasingly made me feel like I can’t breath, and even, at times, like I don’t want to breath, I’ve started to think “fuck it, fuck this sweater.” And I’ve started to think about how great it would be to finally be rid of the sweater once and for all and forget that I ever owned it. If only I could forget, that damn debt won’t let me, it’ll stay with me long after the sweater will. And of course, the sweater has a strict non-transferrable policy so it’s not like I can do anything at all to address the bad debt that is the monkey on my back. Of course I find this to be terribly unfair and unethical, largely because I have a brain and am able to think critically instead of simply regurgitating the mantras that serve to rationalize this injustice. So, I have to admit that I’ve also wondered at times what would happen if I just didn’t pay my student loans. I mean we don’t have debtors prison, so what would happen – really? Is paying my debt really a moral imperative? The worst that would happen is that I’d get a bad credit rating and some pompous baby boomers would wave their bony fingers at me in disapproval. But who cares about them, right? Fuck them, fuck the sweater AND fuck the debt. Of course I can’t fuck the debt, even though I don’t know why, but I can fuck the sweater. And now, instead of envying those who have the sweater and who fit nicely into it I can just happily accept that the sweater isn’t for me and move on.