Things are looking up as I’ve sought out of the services of a qualified therapist who is helping me figure out how to get myself out of this hell hole I’ve dug myself into, namely being a lawyer. I’ve also decided to hire a career coach to help me write my resume and what not so that I don’t waste any more time.
My therapist is really working on me to try to figure out what I truly want to do, but I don’t know what that is. Or, I don’t think that what I want is particularly relevant at this point, what I need is a job. In any case I feel that the question is a somewhat privileged and self-indulgent one, so I’m not too interested in answering it. I’ve told her that but she doesn’t seem to care too much about those considerations.
Really what I want to do is write a book, creative non-fiction, about my experiences in the legal field, moving to a smaller town, all of it. I think it would be a great book. Before I started this blog I was doing quite a bit of creative writing, which sort of fell to the wayside when I got more into journalistic style writing with this blog. I recently came across a short fiction story I wrote and was very surprised at how well it was written. I’ve had a lot of amateur writer friends over the years and I’ve had to read a lot of bad stuff, and some good stuff too, so I think I have some idea of what constitutes good writing. All of that is to say that since I found that short story I’ve been thinking “If I could write that, then I can write this”.
To be honest, I’ve already started writing the book and wrote 40 single spaced pages in about 4 days. It was surprisingly easy. I’ve tried to write the story before but I kept getting caught up in the details. You know, it was as though I was standing on the edge of this large forest, and on the other side of the forest is bliss, and every time I even took a step into the forest I got overwhelmed by the trees and whatnot and decided I had to make a detailed route plan to get through to the other side. Then I spent all my time plotting the route and none of the time actually walking through the forest. So, this time I decided to do it differently and I just started writing. I’m about a quarter of the way into the forest now, I can’t see the field behind me, which is further than I’ve ever come and less uncomfortable than I imagined it would be.
Obviously I’ll go back and edit the shit out of it. I’m not Jack Kerouac, bless him. Still, even if it’s not superbly written, it might not matter since the content itself is pretty juicy. I think I read that somewhere: you don’t need to be a spectacular writer if the content is spectacular. I wonder if that’s true.
Maybe you think it’s funny that I’d like to write a book since a) it seems somewhat unrealistic; and b) maybe you think my writing here has been a bit shitty. With regards to a, my therapist says that all writers were told at some point that they couldn’t do it, still they persevered on. She thinks I should try to write the book, she has great faith in me. I guess that’s why she gets paid the big bucks. With regards to b, in my defense this blog is more verbal diarrhea and I spend almost no time editing anything. Plus, maybe the writing isn’t that bad.
I will update soon. It could be that I just find a job and the book idea falls to the way side again, and I skip back to the familiar field behind me.